Peter from the UK writes, “My boss has invited us to a Christmas dinner party at his home.  My wife and I recently lost another pregnancy and are not up for this.  How can we not go?  This is my boss.  What do I do?”

Dear Peter,

While you might feel as though you have little choice because it is an invitation from your boss, telling him the truth is actually the best way to handle this.

If you feel uncomfortable telling him in person, you can write a simple hand-written note addressed to both he and his wife, thanking them for the lovely invitation.  Then you can very simply say, “My wife and I were delighted to receive your kind invitation.  Recently we had the sad news that we miscarried another pregnancy.  While we would love to be with you to celebrate Christmas, considering the circumstances, we feel it best to stay close to home right now.  Please know when we are feeling better perhaps we can get together at our home sometime next year.  Thank you for understanding.  We appreciate your consideration.

Meanwhile, we wish you and your family a delightful Christmas season. ”

He will be impressed that you took the time to send him the note and now that he clearly understands your reason for not accepting his invitation, he will not feel slighted or offended and your relationship is on solid ground.

An additional touch would be to send a bottle of wine or other small gift to his home for the Christmas celebration.