Category Archives: Vehicular Homicide/Drunk Driving

The Mary Mac Show | The Gift of Honesty

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 114, we discuss the very difficult emotions we encounter when a loved one’s death caused extreme embarrassment for you and the family and how to release that pain so you can build a new life.

Perhaps your loved one was experimenting or deep in opioid drugs, heroin, cocaine, fentanyl. Maybe they have been involved in gangs. Perhaps driving while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Involved in domestic abuse of their spouse or even decided to take their own life.

All of these situations are the direct result of their personal behavior and decisions they made in their lives.

And, unfortunately, they can bring great embarrassment to you after they have died.

In this week’s episode I delve in deep to the great pain you feel after they’ve died and left the mess they did for you.

To safe face, many families will not talk about what happened.

They will say things like they ‘accidentally overdosed’ or they will not disclose in their obituary how they died.

They will use words like ‘died unexpectedly’ but they never tell the entire story.

Now there are a lot of connotations to those two possibilities.

And it leaves people to wonder if the death was much worse than it really was.

A person could have ‘died unexpectedly’ in a car crash, heart attack, stroke, died in their sleep. So many ways. But none of those would cause the family to be embarrassed, now would they?

I guess I’m perplexed about how someone can ‘accidentally overdose’. They knew they were taking the drugs. They knew how much they were taking. They knew the risks involved with such powerful drugs. And when they reached out to a drug dealer, they knew they were putting themselves in great harm.

There wasn’t anything ‘accidental’ about it. And the possibility that they actually wanted to take their life using drugs still floats out there. But many families don’t want to entertain that thought.

When someone gets into a car and they’ve been drinking and drugging, they know the risk of killing others and themselves but that wasn’t their priority at that time. So when they kill others and themselves in that car crash, their family is devastated. Along with the family of those he or she killed with their recklessness.

If someone joined a gang, more than likely they had to prove themselves by killing someone, usually an innocent person. And then when they themselves are killed along the way, their family is embarrassed and distraught for what they did.

If a husband or wife is accustomed to beating on their spouse and this is a continual occurrence, and then one day they go too far and the battered spouse is killed, maybe to make the news in the papers, how difficult is it for the surviving family to endure.

Perhaps they took their own life, in so many manners – drugs, hung themselves, drove their car into a lake, stockpile, a huge truck. Suicide is not accidental by any means.

In this week’s episode I encourage survivors to get brutally honest about what really happened because if you’re still lying to yourself, you will stay stuck in your grief and not allow yourself to rebuild a life where you thrive.

So listen in to Episode 114 to learn ways to deal with this.

Blessings to you.
xoxo

Additional Notes:

If you are ill or grieving a loved one’s death, take the time to research a hotline with trained counselors to speak with.

The very best individuals to connect with are those who are suffering your exact type of death. Go here.

If my podcast has helped you, I’d love for you to buy me a coffee to show your support! Thanks!

The Mary Mac Show | Disenfranchised Grief I

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 60, we delve into the trauma and pain mourners feel when they can’t fully express their loss after a loved one’s death.

There are so many situations where someone feels shame after a loved one’s death and cannot express their grief and pain because the relationship may not have the proper ‘label’ or the relationship has been so strained or secret.

Many types of death carry a stigma that society places on it and, consequently, many bereaved feel stifled in openly showing their grief.

Often times people make others feel less than or embarrassed when a person has overdosed, or took their own life, or was murdered or killed another and themselves in a vehicular homicide crash.

They convey that something is wrong with a woman who has a miscarriage or stillbirth or several.

It could be a secret gay relationship was never known and the surviving partner must keep that to themselves because their lover was married, perhaps even with children and only hurt with come to his family.

It might be an ex-spouse who caused all sorts of pain and your children are grieving his or her death, but where does your grief fit in?

This week we discuss many different types of disenfranchised grief and next week we will look at what we can do to soothe ourselves when we are dealing with such a death.

Additional Notes:

If you are feeling shame either because you’ve imposed it on yourself for what you “think” a certain death means to you, or because others are making your feel that way, you might find solace in this EFT Tapping Video by Arianna Opper, D.O. She has a very soothing voice and aura.

If you’d like to explore her other videos, please go here.

To see my signature Heart of Gold “I Remember” Mug, either for yourself or as a gift for someone grieving the death of a loved one, please go here. A portion of all proceeds help fund The Foundation for Grieving Children, Inc., the first national non-profit public charity which benefits children, teens, young adults after a loved one’s death.

Much Love,

Mary Mac xoxo

The Mary Mac Show | Unnecessary Deaths

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

This week in Episode 30, we discuss the irresponsible acts that individuals take that lead to their own deaths or the deaths of others and how we are left to cope with their recklessness.

When someone in our family or a friend commits a reckless act, it can lead to tragedy.

Whether that act causes others’ deaths or their own, it leaves the surviving families distraught, overwhelmed with feelings of remorse, regret, bitterness, guilt, and many other emotions.

Things that will help:

Visit Brad Yates’ youtube channel will teach you the Emotional Freedom Technique. His videos calm your spirit and help you release emotional and physical pain as you move forward.

Here are some meditation music to help you rest.

You can order your Bach’s Rescue Remedy by clicking on the link below and then tab at the top of their page for Rescue Remedy Products. Remember, these do have alcohol in them.

I use the Rescue Remedy 20ml drops but they have spray and other versions which might work better for you. And…they also have products to calm pets, too.

*To find a homeopathic doctor, visit here or here. Many offer phone consultations if you cannot find one in your area. They work with patients around the globe. You can also research in your area of the world.

Please share with anyone who may need to know this. Also rate and review this podcast on whichever podcast platform you listened in.

xoxo

Diary of a Grieving Child

Well I finally learned how to do these videos. I’m excited to share them with you. They speak through the hearts of grieving people.

My heart’s desire was to help you better understand what the bereaved really go through after a loved one’s death – what a hurting person is really saying inside. Post a comment. I’d love to hear what you think.

How It All Began

About a half hour ago my printer spontaneously circled as if to print a document, but none had been requested. Whenever something like this occurs, being so in tune to spiritual happenings, I sat back to wonder what this was about.

After asking out loud for clarity, it occurred to me that on this day thirty-six years ago I lost the first person who ever meant anything to me. The first person who had made such an impact on my life and who, unknowingly, would usher me into this field of study and my profession.

At the tender age of 12, while he was 15, the nephew of my neighbor and I became close friends and he ultimately became the first ‘crush’ I experienced. And while Paul and I were looked upon as ‘forbidden’ because of the differences of our age, he was such a wonderful guy and friend who I cared for deeply.

We’d play Iron Butterfly’s songs and scream the lyrics across the room, help me babysit little ones, watch him study the guitar and try to master difficult songs, taught me wonderful dance steps and just had lots of fun laughing at his funny jokes. And like teenagers do, we stayed on the phone much too long and wrote silly letters to each other.

As fate would have it, he and his family moved away and we became penpals back then. Both he and I went on to meet other wonderful people, but his life would forever impact mine a few years later.

On this day, April 14, 1974 Paul was hit broadside and killed by a drunk driver at the tender age of 19 while pulling out of his driveway. I knew he died in the late afternoon, but when the printer circled at 4:35pm something made me believe it could have been just then.

So I sat back in my chair and just had this simple conversation with him as if his spirit was surrounding me at this very moment. And even all these years later, I filled up with tears because I can still see him in the coffin and how paralyzed I was sitting on the sofa in the funeral home looking at a person who had meant so much to me and it was not registering as to how he could possibly be dead at 19.

Over the years I have wondered how his family had been and what all became of them. I can only imagine how it affected his parents whom I didn’t get to see again.

But this little sign I believe he sent to me today had in its own way comforted me and reminded me that not only has he not forgotten me, but that no matter where we go in life, the people we love and have lost will always shown themselves to us. Their spirits live on.

This lovely, simple confirmation and remembrance today, for me, though bittersweet, reassures me that there is something after this life which we will all reach. And one day we will be greeted by all those who went on before us and when that happens what a heavenly party we’ll have!