Category Archives: Grieving Children

The Mary Mac Show | Helping Children Understand Pet Loss

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

This week we continue speaking about Pet Loss but from a child’s perspective.

For many children, the first death they deal with is the loss of a goldfish, a turtle, or a dog or cat.

They aren’t mature enough to put words to their feelings, so we need to help them learn that what they are feeling is perfectly natural and normal. That adults grieve also after a pet’s loss and they are not alone.

In this week’s episode, we discuss the different emotions they feel, how to best speak with them, what language will not serve but confused them and how to celebrate the life of your pet.

I’ve created a specific Pet Loss page on my website where you can find the best people to give advice, if you need it, to make this experience better for your children. Some organizations, like Veterinarian Medical Schools, have hotlines staffed by those studying to become Veterinarians.

You can also go to my Crisis Resource tab on this website, where you can call suicide hotlines staffed by ready and waiting trained counselors all over the world, who are willing to listen to all your own personal pain, after a pet’s or your favorite person’s death and give you advice on helping your little ones, too. USE THEM!! And don’t you ever feel that your loss is trivial.

There is no need to harbor your pain when you can speak with someone who understands it.

Additional Notes:

Visit Brad Yates’ youtube channel will teach you the Emotional Freedom Technique. His videos calm your spirit and help you release emotional and physical pain as you move forward. Here are two specific videos that will help you.

Here are some meditation music to help you rest.

You can order your Bach’s Rescue Remedy by clicking on the link below and then tab at the top of their page for Rescue Remedy Products. Remember, these do have alcohol in them.

I use the Rescue Remedy 20ml drops but they have spray and other versions which might work better for you. And…they also have products to calm pets, too.

Grab my free ebook, 21 Things You Need to Know About the Grieving Process, right here on my site.

Please share with anyone who may need to know this. Also subscribe, rate and review this podcast on whichever podcast platform you listened in.

xoxo

The Mary Mac Show | Coronavirus | Perspective of Teen Olivia Moody

The Mary Mac Show PodcastThis week we look at how our teenagers are dealing with being quarantined at home and what they think about this pandemic.

I have the good fortune to know Olivia Moody, who is my neighbor and an exceptional young lady. Her heart is always in the right place, doing wonderful things to help lift the spirits of all those she meets.

I wanted to learn what Olivia was feeling and thinking about this unprecedented time in our lives and she graciously agreed to share her perspective.

In Episode 21, I tell you what she has shared about her life now and how different is it since the lockdown began. You are in for a real treat!

On the podcast, I promised to share the beautiful note she wrote and secretly left for all her neighbors at their doorstep.

Below is her note:

“What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals.” Zig Ziglar

Thank you Olivia for your thoughtful and caring gift to all of us!

Listen in to Episode 21, share with those who might be in need of comfort and knowledge and rate and review wherever you hear my podcast.

Learn EFT by visiting Brad Yates’ youtube channel. His video on Overwhelm will also help you.

Navy Seals breathing exercise to calm you, decrease anxiety.

Get my free book “The 21 Things You Must Know About the Grieving Process” by completing the form and you’ll receive an email with link to obtain it.

Stay well, stay safe. xoxo

What About the Other 364 Days?

www.F4GC.com
www.F4GC.com
Someone has declared today the National Children’s Grief Awareness Day. Lovely.

I guess when I hear these kinds of things I wonder, “Exactly how is that any different than national chocolate cupcake day,” which, by the way, two years ago my colleague and I celebrated by baking for the entire team.

And some would say that I’m not showing the proper reverence for this day, but, I must tell you, quite the contrary.

You see I don’t believe that declaring something as significant as the grief of grieving children to only one day of the year is quite fair. It’s not as frivolous or as carefree a day as enjoying a favorite cupcake, or taco, or dance class. No, it’s far more serious and, well, frankly, it bothers me.

I don’t think of this ‘day’ as something to celebrate. I don’t think of this day as something that happens once a year. And, to a certain extent, I think it’s misleading.

Grief, when we are in the thick of it, lasts every day and all moments of that day and, then, many, many days and months and years onward.

It’s not something we only recognize once a year. Because when you love deeply, you grieve deeply and that pain should never only be acknowledged today. Not for grieving children and not for adults. It should be an awareness every day.

Over 2.5 million Americans alone die each year leaving millions more folks to grieve their deaths. If you consider 100 people for each death who will be affected, that’s 250 million grieving people each year and many of them are children, and teens and young adults.

Do we really know the correct statistic of how many children grieve? Absolutely not and we never will. They can never be recorded properly so if you see stats flying around today, discount them.

How would you count the grieving siblings, classmates, teammates, neighbors? You can’t. So don’t try.

So although well intentioned, giving a ‘day’ to such an incredibly wide-reaching topic, seems quite superficial to me.

What Suicidal Depression Feels Like – Therese Borchard

Yesterday, in my own community here in Lake Mary, Florida, not even a mile from me, a 14 year-old boy in our middle school went into a bathroom stall and shot himself to death. With the recent death of Robin Williams and the suicide deaths of so many whose parents and siblings I have worked with over the years, there is a great need to truly understand how depression wreaks havoc on an individual’s ability to reason.

Nothing comforts me more than when another writer has the guts to truly put it all out there. I have done this many times on my blog, telling the good, bad and ugly of the aftermath of death and, while it’s difficult to read and comprehend that humans feel and live through such crisis, it is very, very real and very honest and should never be taken lightly, either by family, friends and especially business colleagues, who are usually so busy they dismiss many emotions.

I know how difficult it is for those who love you to grieve a death by suicide. There are countless questions, self-blame, years of trying to recover, if it’s even possible, and the guilt, shame and anger. If you are even considering this and find yourself in a deep depression either because you yourself are now grieving the death of a loved one, or you are dealing with what seems like insurmountable challenges, please read Therese’s work below.

If you need to speak with someone, please go to “Crisis Connections.” Click on there for help in your area. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed. You can remain anonymous. Let someone listen. You deserve to be heard. Continue reading What Suicidal Depression Feels Like – Therese Borchard

30 Years Ago Today…

101When I look back on my life, there are a few days that stand out with such significance that I can’t help but acknowledge them, regardless of the pain.

And while there are happy days I can recall, like when I completed both my degrees, when I was given wonderful awards for my work, when my books were published, there are several difficult days that I’ve lived that caused me and those I’ve loved great trauma.

One was the death of my beloved grandmother, who lived, almost exclusively, a healthy life till her death at 93. She was my anchor when life handed me difficult times while growing up.

Another was my little dog, Daisy, who brought me so much joy every day for almost 13 years. My constant companion, she was always there to snuggle with when I needed her most.

But there was one particular day that, when I look back on my life, shaped and changed who I was and, even though I had helped so many in my life before who had struggled with bereavement, it was her death that catapulted me into leading support groups, writing books, speaking, and starting a national foundation for grieving children.

107She is Angela.

A 10 year old who came into my life when I met her father. Her older brother was then 13 and younger just 9.

I remember her bubbly personality, her courage to ask me those most pressing questions you’d never think would come out of the mouth of such a young lady. But I answered every one and she went away satisfied.

Many who knew her longer than I described her as a firecracker. And for the short time I knew her, they were right.

I specifically remember how much she loved shopping together. How she couldn’t choose between the pink or blue cotton candy.

Or the last holiday she and her younger brother spent with us. It was Easter, 1984 and I made a special dinner for us.

At one point after dinner we took a long walk together. I wanted to purchase film that day to take a few pictures but we didn’t pick it up. And that moment was lost to me forever.

Angela at 11; her last school picture.Because just a few short months later on this day in 1984, that bright, bubbly young girl was murdered on Long Island.

And what followed were 18 years of an unsolved murder.

It took until 2002 to have enough evidence to charge the initial suspect and another two years to go to trial.

We endured a six-week emotional rollercoaster from the time they began picking a jury for her 20 year old murder, to the time he was convicted.

I often wonder what life would have been like if she were still here with us. Would she have been in my bridal party when her father and I married?

Would she have studied for a college degree? And what career might she have chosen?

Would she have married and had children? How many would she have had and what would they have looked like?

But today, I guess there is a part of me that, as my stepson texted me today, which says “I can’t believe it’s been 30 years.”

And he is so right.

Rest in Peace, Angela. You were with us for far too short a time, but the impact you had on our lives, both in life and death, will remain forever.