Category Archives: Grieving Children

Death of a Child, Death of a Parent, Death of Fiancee, Grieving Children, Holidays, Military

Memorial Day 2011

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In anticipation of Memorial Day this year, I did a little research to find out exactly how many families have paid the ultimate sacrifice of sending their loved ones off to war, never to return to them. I was amazed at the huge numbers of deaths, especially during World War I and II but had no idea the numbers were so high for the Civil War, especially since our population was nearly 1/3 of what it is today. Take a look at each war and the total American Fatalities for each.

American Revolutionary War 22,674
War of 1812 11,700
Mexican-American War 13,271
American Civil War (1860-1965) 618,000
Spanish-American War 5,385
Philippine-American War 4,196
World War I (1917-1918) 117,465
World War II (1941-1945) 418,500
Korean War (1950-1953) 36,516
Vietnam War 58,159
Gulf War (1991) 382
War on Terror (2001-present)
Afghanistan (2001-present) 1,413
Iraq (2003-present) 4,430

Total Military Deaths 1,312,091

Although many are unhappy with our presence in the middle east at this time, the number of casualties has been remarkable low considering we have been there for over a decade.

But to a spouse or child grieving that soldier’s death, they are the only one who matters in all these statistics. And it is their sacrifice I think about today. Their pain, their grief, their loss, their sorrow.

Each military family who has either lost a loved one or is grieving the loss of limbs, sustained head injuries, or life as they once knew it, are forever changed.

So today we remember them for their courage, their commitment, their sacrifice and thank them for all of it.

Death of a Child, Death of a Parent, Grieving Children, Holidays

Pink and White Roses

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My father and I were having a conversation yesterday about Mother’s Day and possible restaurants we might take mine to dinner. One of the things we decided was to purchase two dozen pink roses.

At first, he said he wanted to get red. Red, to me, always seems to show up at funerals and since I’ve been to way too many of them, I don’t feel comfortable giving red roses to anyone for anything.

My favorite happens to be pink…always has been, always will be. Soft pink roses seem just right. Not too harsh like red, not too bridal like white.

Anyway, he told me about how when he was growing up in New York City in the 1940 and 50s, on Mother’s Day a woman would wear either a white rose, signifying her mother had died, or a pink rose, signifying her mother was alive.

I had never heard that story and it really seems such a nice way to honor your mother whether she was still among us, or has passed on.

So, for me, I have the pleasure of still wearing a pink rose, but today, my heart and compassion goes out to all those who would be wearing a white rose.

And maybe there should be another color, perhaps purple or lavender, befitting the Foundation for Grieving Children, Inc., for those mothers who have buried children. The other side of motherhood is not just honoring our mothers, but mothers who can no longer be honored by children who have left us too soon.

Whether pink, or white and purple, we remember today all the wonderful things that mothers bring to our lives. But especially the fact that life itself began because of them.

Happy Mother’s Day.

Death of a Parent, Grieving Children, Weddings

Bittersweet Day for Princes William and Harry

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I couldn’t help but think about these two fine young men during the last few months leading up to this royal wedding day. How bittersweet this time must have been for them. I’m sure memories of their beloved mother, Princess Diana, must have come flooding back.

It is so natural and normal on milestone days like today, Prince William and Catherine Middleton’s wedding day, that he and his brother, Prince Harry, would have envisioned what today and the months leading up to today, could have been like had their mother been alive to enjoy it all with them.

Once you’ve lost a loved one, especially as a young person, you go through life thinking ‘what if’. What if they were here to lend advice, counsel and comfort. What if Diana could have been a wonderful friend to Kate. What if she had helped me plan this day.

Even after a loved one have passed many, many years ago, on special days like this we tend to reminisce and picture what it could have been like and melancholy feelings can arise. And often do.

Congratulations to the future King and Queen, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge. Perfect name, don’t you think? So…does this make us nearly related?

Death of a Parent, Diary of a Grieving..., Grieving Children, Vehicular Homicide/Drunk Driving

Diary of a Grieving Child

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Well I finally learned how to do these videos. I’m excited to share them with you. They speak through the hearts of grieving people.

My heart’s desire was to help you better understand what the bereaved really go through after a loved one’s death – what a hurting person is really saying inside. Post a comment. I’d love to hear what you think.

Death of a Child, Emotional Challenges, Grieving Children

I’m Still Here!

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“A number of years ago my sister was killed and I’m the only child left in the family. My parents are still grieving and I find myself screaming, ‘But I’m still here’. What’s wrong with this picture?” Tony in New York

Tony, the picture you describe in not only accurate, but common. And while it may be distressful to hear that, I would recommend you take comfort in this one fact – you are not alone.

Many young people, and even not so young people, who have experienced the death of a sibling, seem to feel invisible in their parents’ eyes even years later. It seems as if no one told them they still have a living, breathing, active, loving child or children.

One of the most, if not the most, devastating event that can occur for a parent, is the loss of a child. I can tell you from my experience with my former husband that it will change a person forever.

But it is important that you connect with your parents and let them know how being in their own little world is affecting you.

I know you’d probably want to scream out all the injustices you have felt since your sister was killed, but a better way is to simply send them a note. Don’t blame; chances are they have been oblivious to your needs. Instead, tell them how you feel. Let them know you love them and want to be closer to them. You’d like a way to start talking out loud again about your family situation.

Welcome them to start by writing back. Often times is you write or email, it is less confrontational and, obviously, can’t escalate to blame, name calling, or hurt feelings.

Once you’ve both written out how you feel and how her death has affected you, you can move toward asking for what it is that would correct your feelings of isolation within the family unit.