Tag Archives: death

Anticipated Death

When is Enough Enough?

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I’m always amazed at how doctors will tell you they cannot ‘cure’ your illness, cancer, etc. but at the same time tell you they can still ‘treat’ it. Exactly what does that mean, anyhow?

Well what that means is this…’treat’ is codeword for “I don’t have anything else to offer you, the cancer cannot be cured, we cannot operate, but you might as well do chemo and radiation anyway.” This makes me absolutely crazy.

So when is enough, enough? When is it time to acknowledge the chemo and radiation are really ways to finance the hospitals and medical machine that is the second largest GDP in the USA – cancer.

Will it cure the cancer? No. Can they operate and take out the cancer – in this particular case – no.

So, knowing that, exactly why would you want to put yourself through the pain of radiation and the sickness that comes with chemo. The poison will not make you better, only worse.

There comes a time when you have a serious question to ask yourself. When do I recognize that this is my time and better to live out whatever time I do have left without treatments that will not make me better, just because a doctor has prescribed them and so we go along with what he says.

I have seen this time and time again. There will come a time that no medicine will help…instead it will make life more miserable. It will make the last months/years of your life a living hell, going to chemo treatments, undergoing radiation, for what?

Instead, a serious assessment of possibilities are necessary. Can natural health alternative help better at this point? If you know the illness cannot be cured, wouldn’t it be better to enjoy your last time with your family and when pain medication was needed, have the doctor prescribe a morphine patch.

This way, you get to truly LIVE the rest of your life. You get to enjoy your family at home, instead of going for rounds and rounds of treatments which will do no good. You get to spend time talking about your life together, reminiscing about old memories, prepare the young people in your life for your passing, get to say all the things you needed to say to those you loved but never could.

If you’re well enough, do the things now that you didn’t get a chance to do before you get too weak. Visit your friends, write the letters, plan your funeral the way you want it. Maybe even make a video to tell them how much you love them.

So yes, it’s a bold step to refuse further treatment…but someone has to be strong enough to say out loud what everyone’s thinking anyway.

Enjoy what time you have. Don’t succumb to the only options doctors have to offer.

Death of a Parent, Diary of a Grieving..., Grieving Children, Vehicular Homicide/Drunk Driving

Diary of a Grieving Child

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Well I finally learned how to do these videos. I’m excited to share them with you. They speak through the hearts of grieving people.

My heart’s desire was to help you better understand what the bereaved really go through after a loved one’s death – what a hurting person is really saying inside. Post a comment. I’d love to hear what you think.

Holidays, Uncategorized

Memories at Holidays

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As I work through my “to do” list this Christmas season, I find myself thinking about all the people who have left my life. Some have died and some are still living.

Those who have died take an added measure of thought. I decorate with ornaments and beautiful trinkets that they won’t enjoy admiring with me, purchase gifts that they won’t get, wrapping presents that they won’t open.

I miss that I can’t call them to tell them all that is going on with me this season…the good and bad. And while some have moved from my life for decades now, I find them coming to mind.

There was a time when I thought it would be better if I’d never thought of these folks again, simply because it was too painful. Especially soon after their deaths I thought this way.

But as time moved on, I came to think differently. I came to a place where it was comforting in a strange sort of way. Comforting because it was really the only way I could have a piece of them in my life.

And now, while it still stabs at my heartstrings when I realize I can’t have them here any longer, I am grateful for just the little things like memories of good times, things they said, things they did, gifts they gave me at other Christmas long ago. I think of special days we spent together, how they made me laugh and how we acted silly at times.

I guess what bothers me the most is that I’ll never have that back again. But I guess the love I shared with each unique person I’ve loved and who has gone now, can never be replaced exactly the same way with any other person who is now or will come into my life. It’s just the way it is.

So I try to be content with the memories because I can’t get back their presence. And even with all the pain I’ve endured with each person who left before me, no one can ever take my memories from me.

Uncategorized

When Weird Things Happen

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“I was standing in the garage and all of a sudden the door to the inside of the house swung open by itself. It freaked me out. Am I the only one who notices these things?” Tim in Oklahoma

Actually Tim, my mind is filled with stories from other people who have had similar experiences after a loved one has died or was killed. I, myself, have had these experiences as well.

Funny thing is…when you tell them to other people who aren’t in the same emotional place you are, they may think you’re a little nuts. But they can be a great source of contentment knowing that the person who died is right there with you.

I remember visiting a friend of ours one Sunday afternoon, whose daughter Maria had been murdered. As we sat in the living room talking, the front door slowly opened. There was no one near the door, nor at the door.

We all looked at her mother Luisa who told us, “Oh, that happens all the time since Maria was killed. I take that as her saying hello, as if she wants to be included.”

Another time, a small music box, which I had displayed in my living room and which I hadn’t wound or played in years, suddenly started playing while we were having dinner.

The first thing I thought was my stepdaughter, Angela was saying hello. And while it may seem like a strange occurrence, it actually was quite comforting at the time.

So when the garage door occasionally and suddenly opens, consider that your loved one is sending you a little sign. A gentle nudge just to say, “I’m with you, I love you, and you’re going to be ok.”