Spiritual Challenges

All Souls Day

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Catholics around the world commemorate All Souls Day today, November 2nd. When I was a child I would attend service with my class. Later I would attend a lovely ceremony at one of the cemeteries where my loved ones were buried, under a beautiful white tent.

It seems to me today is a special day. A day to reflect not only on the lives who have left this world before us, but what you personally have endured since their deaths.

Good days, bad days, and sheer ugly days. Reaccessing where you’re heading without them. Recovering, if ever so slowly.

Sometimes you have that pity party and blame God for everything. This is natural and normal. I have yet to meet even the most devote person who hasn’t confided in me that they have bargained with Him for their loved one to somehow return, or being fiercely angry at the circumstances of their death or just simply because they aren’t here with them.

Remember, God is almighty. That means he can take you being livid with Him, regardless of what part you believe He played in your loved one’s death.

So on this day let us honor all the Souls who have gone before us and believe, one day, we’ll meet them again.

Emotional Challenges

Serving through the Pain

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“Yesterday at church our minister talked about serving the community, but I barely have enough energy for myself at this point in my grieving process. Am I being selfish?” Molly, New York

Hi Molly,

No, not really. When we grieve, it takes a lot of mental and physical energy. We often feel that our energy has been zapped from us. We need to take time for ourselves to rest and reflect as we walk through the grieving process.

But “serving” can be accomplished in a number of ways. You might not be able to help build a home, or fill a local food pantry, but you can give a few dollars to help out the cause. You can give a hug to someone when you see them in distress. You can listen when someone is hurting. You can send a card with comforting words.

What might surprise you is that magic happens when you help someone else even when you are dealing with your own pain. For just a little while you forget about your problems and you focus on someone else. That is the gift to you of giving of yourself.

And as you heal more, you’ll be able to contribute more. And eventually, someone will cross your path who might have the exact same type of grief that you’ve walked through and you will be able to comfort them.

Grieving Children

Kids Who Grow Stronger After Trauma

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I wanted to share with you a recently published article in the Wall Street Journal entitled, “Kids Who Grow Stronger After Trauma” by Sue Shellenbarger which speaks about the length of time it takes for our young ones to deal with significant trauma in their lives.

This is the very reason we raise funds at the Foundation for Grieving Children…to give to community-based organizations which help children work through their pain and loss after a loved one’s death.

I encourage you to learn more by clicking on the links above.

9/11

9/11/10 – Nine Years Later

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Over Labor Day weekend, my Aunt and I decided to watch the video of my cousin’s wedding from back in 1996. As the camera man passed around the microphone for each person at the tables to wish the newlyweds their best for a successful, happy and prosperous life, we came to the groom’s cousin and his wife.

Tears came to my Aunt’s eyes. For this cousin had been killed in the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001.

I watched him wish my cousin, the bride, and his cousin, the groom, a lifetime of happiness. I especially looked at his wife and all I could think was here they were enjoying a wonderful family wedding never realizing only five years later their entire world would be shattered by radicals who wish to harm our people and our great country.

As the tape played, my Aunt reminded me who his parents were when they appeared and we saw them dancing and laughing. We talked about how hard it was for his parents and how they nearly split up themselves from the trauma of losing a child.

We spoke about how they had had a memorial event and I donated several dozen of my book “Understanding Your Grieving Heart After a Loved One’s Death” which my Aunt put in beautiful baskets with other items to be sold at the auction to raise funds. I had forgotten I did that until she reminded me.

No matter how many years go by, we cannot forget. For several months, our country was numb. And in NYC, longer than that.

I guess it’s beyond me how officials in NYC are still playing the ‘politically correct’ card with all we’ve been through. There is no reason to build a mosque at Ground Zero when there are two in close proximity to it already. It’s a slap in the face of law abiding, good people who have no evil intention.

It is also beyond me how Pennsylvania and DC have their memorials built long ago and we’re still working on New York’s.

Nine years ago at this hour, we saw smoke flowing for miles around the southern tip of Manhattan. Fires still burning, buildings still waiting to fall, nearly 3,000 people dead including 343 firefighters, many who were friends of another cousin of mine, a FDNY Lieutenant.

Let us always remember the victims of this earthshaking day and the families who were forever changed.

Military

Uniting Children of Vietnam War Heroes

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Today on Memorial Day 2010, I was so delighted to learn about a wonderful organization which was started 20 years ago to unite the children of the 58,260 men who were killed in the Vietnam War.

“Sons and Daughters in Touch” will celebrate their Dads’ lives this Father’s Day, June 20th, as they do each year on this special day, by gathering at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial Wall at 10:00 a.m. in Washington, D.C.

Its leader, Tony Cordero, lost his dad when he was quite young and I commend him for providing such a heartwarming and healing opportunity for hundreds of thousands of children, who are now adults, who lost their fathers during the Vietnam War.

No one helps us heal better than another person who has walked in our exact shoes. They lived through seeing their Dad come home for short periods of time and be redeployed. They and their family members lived with the fear of not knowing whether he would return. Members of SDIT know exactly what it’s like to walk in those shoes. And nothing could bring more comfort than sharing with a fellow survivor.

If you know of a family who survived the loss of a father, son, brother, uncle, cousin or other relative in Vietnam, please forward this information to them.

I applaud Mr. Cordero and the countless volunteers who help children, whatever their age, acknowledge their grief and celebrate the lives of their beloved Dads.

Assisting Those Grieving a Loved One's Death

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