Memories at Holidays

As I work through my “to do” list this Christmas season, I find myself thinking about all the people who have left my life. Some have died and some are still living.

Those who have died take an added measure of thought. I decorate with ornaments and beautiful trinkets that they won’t enjoy admiring with me, purchase gifts that they won’t get, wrapping presents that they won’t open.

I miss that I can’t call them to tell them all that is going on with me this season…the good and bad. And while some have moved from my life for decades now, I find them coming to mind.

There was a time when I thought it would be better if I’d never thought of these folks again, simply because it was too painful. Especially soon after their deaths I thought this way.

But as time moved on, I came to think differently. I came to a place where it was comforting in a strange sort of way. Comforting because it was really the only way I could have a piece of them in my life.

And now, while it still stabs at my heartstrings when I realize I can’t have them here any longer, I am grateful for just the little things like memories of good times, things they said, things they did, gifts they gave me at other Christmas long ago. I think of special days we spent together, how they made me laugh and how we acted silly at times.

I guess what bothers me the most is that I’ll never have that back again. But I guess the love I shared with each unique person I’ve loved and who has gone now, can never be replaced exactly the same way with any other person who is now or will come into my life. It’s just the way it is.

So I try to be content with the memories because I can’t get back their presence. And even with all the pain I’ve endured with each person who left before me, no one can ever take my memories from me.

A Thanksgiving to Remember

After the death of a loved one, the first Thanksgiving can feel unsettling at best. “Exactly what could I be thankful for?” might be the line playing in your head.

You shouldn’t feel badly for having these feelings as many folks who are grieving at holiday season usually silently say this to themselves, even if they’ll never admit it out loud, for a host of reasons.

But the interesting thing about this holiday, at least for those in the USA, is to step outside our comfort zone and consider, for just a few moments, what you could be grateful for.

The times you shared with your loved one, the happy Thanksgivings you baked pies together, or jokingly quarreled over whether the turkey was better when they made it than when you made it, fussing over the menu and whom to invite.

So, through all your pain this year, try to remember and give thanks for the little things that you enjoyed in years past. And if you have strength, help someone who is even more devastated by life’s circumstances than you.

This little gift of love will brighten your soul.

Grieving the Death of Your Pet

Meredith in New York writes, “I lost my beautiful cat, Nell, while I was away at college. I really didn’t get to say goodbye. Now I feel like it’s not complete somehow. Am I crazy for thinking about this so much?”

Meredith, it is perfectly natural to grieve the death of a pet, especially if you’ve had this companion for a long time and they were a part of your family.

Sometimes our peers tend to dismiss the loss of a pet, considering it to be a superficial loss. But this isn’t so. There are people who are closer to their pets than their family members. For some, they are their children.

You loved Nell dearly and she gave you friendship and love which you returned. Just like a human being, your love for her cannot be dismissed.

Take the time to grieve her death and the loss of her presence. That’s usually the most difficult part…not seeing her around to pet and play with. It often feels like an empty house without them.

Read books on Pet Loss to validate all your feelings. Don’t listen to those around you who have no compassion for your feelings. They simply don’t understand and it’s not your job to explain.

When you get home, visit where Nell is buried and bring her flowers. If she was cremated, put ribbons around her urn. You can also write your goodbye note to her, attach it to a balloon and let it go. Your little ceremony lets her know how much she is loved.

The Sack Lunch

On Veterans’ Day, we remember all those who have sacrificed to serve in the United States’ Military and those who have died just to keep us safe and free. People around the world know the devotion our men and woman play in keeping their nations free, as well. Let us always be grateful and remember them.

This is a wonderful story I recently received and wanted to share it with you…

I put my carry-on in the luggage compartment and sat down in my assigned seat. It was going to be a long flight. ‘I’m glad I have a good book to read. Perhaps I will get a short nap,’ I thought.

Just before take-off, a line of soldiers came down the aisle and filled all the vacant seats, totally surrounding me. I decided to start a conversation.

‘Where are you headed?’ I asked the soldier seated nearest to me. “Petawawa. We’ll be there for two weeks for special training, and then we’re being deployed to Afghanistan.”

After flying for about an hour, an announcement was made that sack lunches were available for five dollars. It would be several hours before we reached the east, and I quickly decided a lunch would help pass the time…

As I reached for my wallet, I overheard a soldier ask his buddy if he planned to buy lunch. “No, that seems like a lot of money for just a sack lunch. Probably wouldn’t be worth five bucks. I’ll wait till we get to base.” His friend agreed.

I looked around at the other soldiers. None were buying lunch. I walked to the back of the plane and handed the flight attendant a fifty dollar bill. “Take a lunch to all those soldiers.” She grabbed my arms and squeezed tightly. Her eyes wet with tears, she thanked me. “My son was a soldier in Iraq; it’s almost like you are doing it for him.”

Picking up ten sacks, she headed up the aisle to where the soldiers were seated. She stopped at my seat and asked, “Which do you like best – beef or chicken?” “Chicken,” I replied, wondering why she asked. She turned and went to the front of plane, returning a minute later with a dinner plate from first class. “This is your thanks.”

After we finished eating, I went again to the back of the plane, heading for the rest room.
A man stopped me. “I saw what you did. I want to be part of it. Here, take this.” He handed me twenty-five dollars.

Soon after I returned to my seat, I saw the Flight Captain coming down the aisle, looking at the aisle numbers as he walked, I hoped he was not looking for me, but noticed he was looking at the numbers only on my side of the plane. When he got to my row he stopped, smiled, held out his hand and said, “I want to shake your hand.” Quickly unfastening my seatbelt I stood and took the Captain’s hand. With a booming voice he said, “I was a soldier and I was a military pilot. Once, someone bought me a lunch. It was an act of kindness I never forgot.” I was embarrassed when applause was heard from all of the passengers.

Later I walked to the front of the plane so I could stretch my legs. A man who was seated about six rows in front of me reached out his hand, wanting to shake mine. He left another twenty-five dollars in my palm.

When we landed I gathered my belongings and started to deplane. Waiting just inside the airplane door was a man who stopped me, put something in my shirt pocket, turned, and walked away without saying a word. Another twenty-five dollars!

Upon entering the terminal, I saw the soldiers gathering for their trip to the base.
I walked over to them and handed them seventy-five dollars. “It will take you some time to reach the base.. It will be about time for a sandwich. God Bless You.”

Ten young men left that flight feeling the love and respect of their fellow travelers.

As I walked briskly to my car, I whispered a prayer for their safe return. These soldiers were giving their all for our country. I could only give them a couple of meals. It seemed so little…

A veteran is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to The United States of America for an amount of “up to and including my life.”

That is Honor, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.

Please pray for our brave soldiers…

“Oh God, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us. Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. Amen.”

Now pass this on…and leave your comments below.

Assisting Those Grieving a Loved One's Death

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