Well I finally learned how to do these videos. I’m excited to share them with you. They speak through the hearts of grieving people.
My heart’s desire was to help you better understand what the bereaved really go through after a loved one’s death – what a hurting person is really saying inside. Post a comment. I’d love to hear what you think.
As I work through my “to do” list this Christmas season, I find myself thinking about all the people who have left my life. Some have died and some are still living.
Those who have died take an added measure of thought. I decorate with ornaments and beautiful trinkets that they won’t enjoy admiring with me, purchase gifts that they won’t get, wrapping presents that they won’t open.
I miss that I can’t call them to tell them all that is going on with me this season…the good and bad. And while some have moved from my life for decades now, I find them coming to mind.
There was a time when I thought it would be better if I’d never thought of these folks again, simply because it was too painful. Especially soon after their deaths I thought this way.
But as time moved on, I came to think differently. I came to a place where it was comforting in a strange sort of way. Comforting because it was really the only way I could have a piece of them in my life.
And now, while it still stabs at my heartstrings when I realize I can’t have them here any longer, I am grateful for just the little things like memories of good times, things they said, things they did, gifts they gave me at other Christmas long ago. I think of special days we spent together, how they made me laugh and how we acted silly at times.
I guess what bothers me the most is that I’ll never have that back again. But I guess the love I shared with each unique person I’ve loved and who has gone now, can never be replaced exactly the same way with any other person who is now or will come into my life. It’s just the way it is.
So I try to be content with the memories because I can’t get back their presence. And even with all the pain I’ve endured with each person who left before me, no one can ever take my memories from me.
After the death of a loved one, the first Thanksgiving can feel unsettling at best. “Exactly what could I be thankful for?” might be the line playing in your head.
You shouldn’t feel badly for having these feelings as many folks who are grieving at holiday season usually silently say this to themselves, even if they’ll never admit it out loud, for a host of reasons.
But the interesting thing about this holiday, at least for those in the USA, is to step outside our comfort zone and consider, for just a few moments, what you could be grateful for.
The times you shared with your loved one, the happy Thanksgivings you baked pies together, or jokingly quarreled over whether the turkey was better when they made it than when you made it, fussing over the menu and whom to invite.
So, through all your pain this year, try to remember and give thanks for the little things that you enjoyed in years past. And if you have strength, help someone who is even more devastated by life’s circumstances than you.
This little gift of love will brighten your soul.
As I left my local Chick-Fil-A today carrying my favorite Ice Dream with chocolate syrup, whipped cream, and, yes a cherry – way too good – I stopped in my tracks as my eye diverted to the cover of Continue reading Immigrant Found Guilty in 2001 Chandra Levy Murder
Meredith in New York writes, “I lost my beautiful cat, Nell, while I was away at college. I really didn’t get to say goodbye. Now I feel like it’s not complete somehow. Am I crazy for thinking about this so much?”
Meredith, it is perfectly natural to grieve the death of a pet, especially if you’ve had this companion for a long time and they were a part of your family.
Sometimes our peers tend to dismiss the loss of a pet, considering it to be a superficial loss. But this isn’t so. There are people who are closer to their pets than their family members. For some, they are their children.
You loved Nell dearly and she gave you friendship and love which you returned. Just like a human being, your love for her cannot be dismissed.
Take the time to grieve her death and the loss of her presence. That’s usually the most difficult part…not seeing her around to pet and play with. It often feels like an empty house without them.
Read books on Pet Loss to validate all your feelings. Don’t listen to those around you who have no compassion for your feelings. They simply don’t understand and it’s not your job to explain.
When you get home, visit where Nell is buried and bring her flowers. If she was cremated, put ribbons around her urn. You can also write your goodbye note to her, attach it to a balloon and let it go. Your little ceremony lets her know how much she is loved.
