In Episode 8, we discuss the challenges surrounding stress while going through the grieving process.
We harbor stress from many different aspects of our life, but when we experience a loved one’s death, the stress levels can reach much higher proportions and unless checked can lead us to physical and emotional health challenges.
It is very important that you learn about stress while grieving and how to reduce it so you are more calm.
There are some things we can control and others we can’t. Learn the difference and be aware of how to alleviate stress during this serious time in your life.
No matter when we ourselves die or when someone we love dies, are we ever truly prepared?
We might think if we had a longer time to think about our death or someone else’s, as in the case of a terminal or chronic illness, that somehow it will be easier because we expected it.
And we might think that if someone died suddenly from a tragic accident, murder, suicide, military or law enforcement death or natural disaster like hurricane, flood, etc., somehow that would be an even more difficult death to live with.
But chances are good, we won’t be satisfied with how they died or the timing of their death. We still want them here with us regardless how they died and when.
And if they were reckless, that adds to the drama.
One of the most important things I want this podcast to achieve is what I’ve always wanted for the people I’ve helped for over three decades. And that is to help you become more emotionally stable during your grieving process.
I want you to learn skills on how to help yourself function better.
In this episode I introduce you to Brad Yates, who practices EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique, which I strongly recommend you learn for all your emotional needs. He has helped me tremendously over the years and you will be so amazed at what it can do for you! (More links in the show notes.)
Grief is messy but I want you to gain as much control as possible.
Visit here to listen to Episode 7 and please subscribe, rate and review at your favorite podcast portal.
Mostly, please share my podcast with those who need us.
Many people who talk about the stages of grief believe that you go through them in a certain order. But this is far from the truth.
The stages of grief are completely different for those who are actually dying versus those who survive a loved one’s death.
Survivors go through a roller coaster of emotions during the grieving process. They move through the various stages sometimes on a more frequent basis, then later more slowly. They can jump around between stages and perhaps skip stages that no longer relate to them.
What you need to know is that there is no right way to grieve. No perfect way to go through these ‘stages’ and I, for one, think they set us up for self-imposed failure because we think we should go through them in some particular order.
Everyone is different so please don’t beat yourself up because of what you’ve learned in the past about these stages.
You will go through YOUR grieving process in the exact manner you’re supposed to. No one can dictate how it will flow, so don’t put some framework on yourself.
Yes, you might touch on each of these stages, but perhaps not in the order they are usually discussed. And you might go back and forth experiencing some for a little longer or shorter than others.
Our work is to help you celebrate the life of the person who died or was killed and to honor what you are going through. We look for the positive instead of the negative. We look for you to feel better not worse because you think you should be moving along at someone else’s predetermined pace.
That’s nonsense.
Use your gratitude journal every night. Concentrate on what you DO want instead of what you don’t. And live the new life that is here for you.
In Episode 5, we look at the various myths surrounding the grieving process and how not knowing them can lead you to confusion, misunderstanding and unnecessary pain.
Some survivors believe that they will grieve exactly the same way for each person in their live who dies or is killed. And that simply is not the case.
Other feels once they have completed their grieving process, somehow memories or snippets of pain will never come back. This also is a myth because you will experience various occasions like graduations, weddings, birth of children and grandchildren and you’ll wish your special loved one was there to experience it with you.
I think the most admirable lesson Steve Jobs taught us about the way he lived his life was that he LIVED it.
To the full. Overflowing. Nonstop. Always creating. Always dreaming. Always expanding. Completely. He used every drop of it and we grasped all he gave.
Billions around the world honor him today as he leaves this life. But, for me, the true measure of our admiration toward this amazing man is that we did honor him all along his life, at every creation. And there were many.
There is no doubt he is the Edison of our generation. His accomplishments are so vast, I doubt most people know them all.
The Apple II, IMac, Pixar Studio work which brought so much fun to small and big children everywhere (remember ToyStory), ITunes, IPod, IPhone, IPad. All the genius of one man.
I loved the fact that he worked from his gut. He went to the quiet place where all creation comes from and listened to the small voice that he knew was right.
No focus groups, no research, just gut.
In his 2005 Commencement Address at Sanford University, he spoke of his life, his losses, his challenges, his struggles and his views about life and death, especially since, at that time, he had only one year earlier learned he had pancreatic cancer. (Read the transcript here, or watch below.)
“When I was 17 I read a quote that went something like “If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?” And whenever the answer has been “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important thing I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life, because almost everything–all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure–these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important.
Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
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“[Steve’s pancreatic cancer] was the closest I’ve been to facing death, and I hope it’s the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept.
No one wants to die, even people who want to go to Heaven don’t want to die to get there, and yet, death is the destination we all share.
No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent; it clears out the old to make way for the new. right now, the new is you.
But someday, not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it’s quite true.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma, which is living with the results of other people’s thinking.
Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice, heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
Steve Jobs not only created magnificent products that changed the way we live our daily lives but he also created an awareness in us that life is so short and should be treasured. Instead of focusing on the trivial parts of life, he inspired us to reach for the best in ourselves each and every day. Because one day, as he reminded us, it will truly be our last.
Assisting Those Grieving a Loved One's Death
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In Episode 8, we discuss the challenges surrounding stress while going through the grieving process.
