Tag Archives: askmarymac

Emotional Challenges, The Mary Mac Show, Wisdom

The Mary Mac Show | Are We Ever Prepared?

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The Mary Mac Show PodcastNo matter when we ourselves die or when someone we love dies, are we ever truly prepared?

We might think if we had a longer time to think about our death or someone else’s, as in the case of a terminal or chronic illness, that somehow it will be easier because we expected it.

And we might think that if someone died suddenly from a tragic accident, murder, suicide, military or law enforcement death or natural disaster like hurricane, flood, etc., somehow that would be an even more difficult death to live with.

But chances are good, we won’t be satisfied with how they died or the timing of their death. We still want them here with us regardless how they died and when.

And if they were reckless, that adds to the drama.

One of the most important things I want this podcast to achieve is what I’ve always wanted for the people I’ve helped for over three decades. And that is to help you become more emotionally stable during your grieving process.

I want you to learn skills on how to help yourself function better.

In this episode I introduce you to Brad Yates, who practices EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique, which I strongly recommend you learn for all your emotional needs. He has helped me tremendously over the years and you will be so amazed at what it can do for you! (More links in the show notes.)

Grief is messy but I want you to gain as much control as possible.

Visit here to listen to Episode 7 and please subscribe, rate and review at your favorite podcast portal.

Mostly, please share my podcast with those who need us.

Emotional Challenges, The Mary Mac Show, Wisdom

The Mary Mac Show | Understanding the Stages of Grief

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The Mary Mac Show PodcastMany people who talk about the stages of grief believe that you go through them in a certain order. But this is far from the truth.

The stages of grief are completely different for those who are actually dying versus those who survive a loved one’s death.

Survivors go through a roller coaster of emotions during the grieving process. They move through the various stages sometimes on a more frequent basis, then later more slowly. They can jump around between stages and perhaps skip stages that no longer relate to them.

What you need to know is that there is no right way to grieve. No perfect way to go through these ‘stages’ and I, for one, think they set us up for self-imposed failure because we think we should go through them in some particular order.

Everyone is different so please don’t beat yourself up because of what you’ve learned in the past about these stages.

You will go through YOUR grieving process in the exact manner you’re supposed to. No one can dictate how it will flow, so don’t put some framework on yourself.

Yes, you might touch on each of these stages, but perhaps not in the order they are usually discussed. And you might go back and forth experiencing some for a little longer or shorter than others.

Our work is to help you celebrate the life of the person who died or was killed and to honor what you are going through. We look for the positive instead of the negative. We look for you to feel better not worse because you think you should be moving along at someone else’s predetermined pace.

That’s nonsense.

Use your gratitude journal every night. Concentrate on what you DO want instead of what you don’t. And live the new life that is here for you.

Even if you’re not happy about it.

Listen to Episode 6 here. Download, rate and review.

The Mary Mac Show, Wisdom

The Myths Surrounding the Grieving Process

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The Mary Mac Show PodcastIn Episode 5, we look at the various myths surrounding the grieving process and how not knowing them can lead you to confusion, misunderstanding and unnecessary pain.

Some survivors believe that they will grieve exactly the same way for each person in their live who dies or is killed. And that simply is not the case.

Other feels once they have completed their grieving process, somehow memories or snippets of pain will never come back. This also is a myth because you will experience various occasions like graduations, weddings, birth of children and grandchildren and you’ll wish your special loved one was there to experience it with you.

Listen in to learn all the myths surrounding the grieving process in Episode 5 of The Mary Mac Show.

Death of a Child, Death of Business Colleagues, Grieving Children, Homicide, School Shootings

Sandy Hook, Newtown, CT: One Year Later

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The first anniversary of the Sandy Hook school shooting in Newtown, CT holds difficult emotions for the families, friends and school staff, as well as its community. Dealing with the pain of loss for the first full year is never easy.

When we approach an anniversary, we relive all the little moments before the tragedy and try to trick ourselves into thinking that person is still with us. On the days leading up to the anniversary, we, at least, get to think “the week before we were baking Christmas cookies” or “the day before we were decorating the tree.”

But once the actual first anniversary occurs, we don’t get to have that luxury any longer and we can’t fool ourselves. We can no longer say, at this time last year we were doing this or that. And that reality bring sorrow.

The first anniversary is never an easy day to live through but sometimes the anticipation is much more stressful than the actual happenings of the day itself.

I’ve known so many families (and I’ve had this experience, too) tell me they made the experiences of the day so much greater in their head than they turned out to be.

They thought they’d be devastated, but somehow it turned out to be a lot lighter than they thought it would be. It became a day of remembering the person, than how they died.

It became a day of thinking of all the fun times they spent together and being grateful for those times instead of allowing themselves to succumb to the events of that day.

So my thoughts are with the families of this small Connecticut town today and do hope that they can look for the happiness they held in the relationship they shared with their loved one and not the way they died.

Yes, it can be hard, but moving toward gratitude for those happy years spent together, will always outweigh a moment in time that can never be changed.

To read my blogs from last year when this tragedy occurred, go here. As a stepmother of an 11 year old who was murdered, I wrote them from the perspective of a grieving mother of a murdered victim.

Holidays

Holiday Grief: How to Remember Your Loved One

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holiday_grief_hi_res JPG Cover FINALHoliday Grief – Tip # 1

One of the most asked questions is “How do I remember my loved one at Christmas and the holidays?” And the answer is…in so many ways.

Just your thoughts of them honor their memory, but there are practical ways, too.

Visiting their resting place and leaving flowers, balloons and even tucking cards and notes in the soil expressing how you feel and how much you miss them.

Having a placesetting at your holiday table with a rose across their dish.

Leaving their stocking on the mantel and extending an invitation to your children and loved ones to leave a note or small symbolic gift in it.

If a child has died, perhaps the toys that would have been given to your children from you and others in your family can be given to a grieving children’s support group after the holidays.

While at dinner, you can suggest that each dinner guest share their favorite story about the loved one who has died or was killed, in an effort to keep their memory alive while bringing laughter and joy to everyone. Even if there are tears, it’s perfectly ok…someone will come up with a funny story that will lighten the mood.

Make a contribution in their name to a wonderful organization that he or she felt strongly about.

Wear some piece of their clothing or jewelry.

Holidays are also a good time to share some of their belongings with your surviving family members. If grandpa had a favorite watch, perhaps it’s meant for your teenage son who loved him so dearly. Having that watch can bring comfort knowing he now can remember the wonderful times he saw his grandfather wear that watch when they were together.

You can also take a bunch of balloons, write messages on them in felt pen and let them float into the heavens either in your backyard, at the cemetery, or another memorable place.

These ideas should help you think of others which would make you feel better.

My book Holiday Grief: How To Cope with Stress, Anxiety and Depression After a Loved One’s Death is available now by clicking here.

Let us know how you’ve remembered your loved one during the holiday season by commenting below.