Category Archives: Emotional Challenges

The Mary Mac Show | Placing Blame Where It Belongs

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 142, we discuss what happens when a loved one’s death caused extreme embarrassment for you and the family and how to release that pain so you can build a new life.

Maybe your loved one experimented or was deep into opioid drugs, heroin, cocaine, fentanyl. Maybe they have been involved in gangs. Perhaps driving while under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Involved in domestic abuse of their spouse or even decided to take their own life.

All of these situations are the direct result of their personal behavior and decisions they made in their lives.

And, unfortunately, they can bring great embarrassment to you afterwards.

In this week’s episode I delve into the great pain you feel after they’ve died and left the mess they did for you.

To save face, many families will not talk about what happened.

They may tell all kinds of tails, especially to younger children, about how a person died. Maybe even telling them a family member died of cancer instead of AIDS, or an accident when it was suicide.

They will say things like they ‘accidentally overdosed’ or they will not disclose in their obituary how they died.

They will use words like ‘died unexpectedly’ but they never tell the entire story.

Now there are a lot of connotations to those two possibilities.

And it leaves people to wonder if the death was much worse than it really was.

A person could have ‘died unexpectedly’ in a car crash, heart attack, stroke, died in their sleep. So many ways. But none of those would cause the family to be embarrassed, now would they?

I guess I’m perplexed about how someone can ‘accidentally overdose’. They knew they were taking the drugs. They knew how much they were taking. They knew the risks involved with such powerful drugs. And when they reached out to a drug dealer, they knew they were putting themselves in great harm.

There wasn’t anything ‘accidental’ about it. And the possibility that they actually wanted to take their life using drugs still floats out there. But many families don’t want to entertain that thought.

When someone gets into a car and they’ve been drinking and taking drugs, they know the risk of killing others and themselves but that wasn’t their priority at that time. So when they kill others and themselves in that car crash, their family is devastated. Along with the family of those he or she killed with their recklessness.

If someone joined a gang, more than likely they had to prove themselves by killing someone, usually an innocent person. And then when they themselves are killed along the way, their family is embarrassed and distraught for what they did.

If a husband or wife is accustomed to beating on their spouse and this is a continual occurrence, and then one day they go too far and the battered spouse is killed, maybe to make the news in the papers, how difficult is it for the surviving family to endure.

Perhaps they took their own life, in so many manners – drugs, hung themselves, drove their car into a lake, stockpile, a huge truck or even used a gun to kill themselves. Suicide is not accidental by any means.

In this week’s episode I encourage survivors to get brutally honest about what really happened because if you’re still lying to yourself, you will stay stuck in your grief and not allow yourself to rebuild a life where you thrive.

So listen in to Episode 142 to learn ways to deal with this.

Blessings to you.
xoxo

Additional Notes:

If you are ill or grieving a loved one’s death, take the time to research a hotline with trained counselors to speak with.

The very best individuals to connect with are those who are suffering your exact type of death. Go here.

If my podcast has helped you, I’d love for you to make a donation to show your support! Thanks!

The Mary Mac Show Community

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 141, I welcome my listeners in over 85 countries and other bereaved individuals to join my new online membership – The Mary Mac Show Community – which I’ve created to help you feel supported through your grieving process.

In these uncertain time with violence growing in many places around the world, I felt an urgent need to provide a safe online portal where those grieving a death of a loved one, or those who anticipate the imminent death of someone significant in their life, would be able to visit as often as they wished, to share their challenges, anger, guilt, and many more emotional struggles as they dealt with their grief.

Many people do not have the financial resources to pay for individual counseling because insurance rarely pays for it.

Also, it is often difficult to find a counselor who has experienced the exact type of death a bereaved individual has experienced.

Consequently, the bereaved winds up training the counselor and pays for the training, too.

The Mary Mac Show Community offers many features which I’ve been searching for over a long time.

Visit here to learn more and click on the link on the bottom of the page to join us.

We also provide our 7-day free feature to get you started; you can cancel at any time.

I look forward to seeing you in our community and getting to know you!

Mary Mac
xoxo

The Mary Mac Show | Death of Dory’s Father II

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 140, I continued my discussion with Dory Fier of Indianapolis, IN, a pediatric social worker, who shares with us the terminal diagnosis her father received and his nine-month battle with an inoperable brain tumor.

In this second of two episodes, Dory and I delve deeply into how she dealt with the aftermath of his death and the physical symptoms that appeared for her.

We discuss how she wished she had taken advantage of the support system that wanted to help her and was grateful for those who did offer her assistance.

We also spoke about the difference between grieving an anticipatory death vs. a sudden death and her thoughts on that.

I am so grateful for the time Dory spent with me and I believe her courage to share this experience will benefit and bless you whether you are going through this struggle now or may in the future.

Much Love to Dory and her family!

xoxo

Additional Notes:

If you are ill or grieving a loved one’s death, take the time to research a hotline with trained counselors to speak with.

The very best individuals to connect with are those who are suffering your exact type of death. Go here.

The Mary Mac Show | Death of Dory’s Father I

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 139, I had the pleasure of speaking with Dory Fier of Indianapolis, IN, a pediatric social worker, who shares with us the terminal diagnosis her father received and his nine-month battle with an inoperable brain tumor.

In this first of two episodes, Dory and I delve deeply into all aspects of her father’s battle with glioblastoma, his original stroke misdiagnosis and dealing with paralysis for the remainder of his life.

She speaks candidly about how she, her sister and mother rallied around her Dad and cared for him during those nine months, moving him back to Indianapolis where they lived, from his then home in New Mexico.

She also discusses the toll it took on herself mentally, physically and how she juggled it all with her personal and professional life.

I am so grateful for the time Dory spent with me and I believe her courage to share this experience will benefit and bless you whether you are going through this struggle now or may in the future.

Listen in next Sunday to hear Part II of our interview.

Much Love to Dory and her family!

xoxo

Additional Notes:

If you are ill or grieving a loved one’s death, take the time to research a hotline with trained counselors to speak with.

The very best individuals to connect with are those who are suffering your exact type of death. Go here.

The Mary Mac Show | Considering End of Life Choices

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 138, we discuss the courageous act of developing an end-of-life plan for what we would like to happen should we become ill, unable to care for ourselves, or die and the decisions that need to be made so our families know of our desires.

It is not easy to speak with our loved ones about death and dying.

It can be even harder when we need to speak about the specifics of what each individual wants for their end-of-life choices.

Often times, it can be something sudden and dramatic that has taken place which makes us realize now is the time.

But please be wise and not wait until it’s so late that you don’t know what their wishes are.

Perhaps an serious diagnosis or accident wakes us up.

Yet I encourage you to do is draw up the courage and speak about it now.

Would they want to be resusitated if they were at death’s door?

Would they not want to be resusitated and allowed to die as natural a death as possible?

If they are in hospice, do they want to die at home or in the hospital?

Do they want to be cremated or buried and where?

Has a resting place already been chosen and paid for?

Do they want a wake and, if so, for how long?

Would they want a church funeral and, if so, where?

And have they developed a will? Who has possession of it and who has been named as an executor/executrix?

There are so many things that need to be considered for our end-of-life situation.

And the sooner they can be arranged and let others in the family know their wishes, the smoother their death will be for all concerned.

No, it is not easy getting these things in writing, but it is vital for a less drama-filled event after their death.

Gather your courage and have those conversations now.

Bless you!
xoxo

Additional Notes:

If you are ill or grieving a loved one’s death, take the time to research a hotline with trained counselors to speak with.

The very best individuals to connect with are those who are suffering your exact type of death. Go here.