Tag Archives: father

The Mary Mac Show | Death of a Parent

In Episode 80, we discuss the challenges we face after the death of a mother, father, stepmother, stepfather, or other individual who raised us and how we can help ourselves during our grieving process.

One of the most difficult deaths to endure in our life will be that of our parent or parents.

We think about it on and off during our life, wondering when and how they will leave us. But when it happens, we are stunned.

If after a long illness, we may have a sense of relief not just that their suffering is ended, but also that we, personally, are now free of the burden of caring for them. And sometimes, that bring guilt with it.

And if there is a sudden death, such as a heart attack, stroke, car accident or other unanticipated death, we are shocked to our core.

Listen in to Episode 80 where I discuss this sorrowful passing of one of the most important figures in your life.

Additional Notes:

Visit Crisis Connections at my website to telephone a trained counselor to speak with whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, confused, frightened, fearful or any host of emotions.

Get my book “Understanding Your Grieving Heart After a Loved One’s Death” to help you learn more about what you’re going through.

Learn the Emotional Freedom Technique here for Stress and Overwhelm. It will soothe you and calm you physically and emotionally. Also spend time in this guided meditation on Self Compassion, which we all need. Dr. Arianna also offers many wonderful tapping and guided-meditations to choose from based upon which is best for you.

You can watch Marissa Peer’s “I Am Enough” meditation.

Treat yourself to a lovely gift from our Heart of Gold “I Remember” Products from The Mary Mac Store.

Remember, a portion of all proceeds help fund The Foundation for Grieving Children, Inc., the first national non-profit public charity which benefits children, teens, young adults after a loved one’s death which I established many years ago.

And visit my sites www.MaryMac.info for your free book – “21 Things You Must Know About the Grieving Process,” and my podcast website www.TheMaryMacShow.com, where you can subscribe to my podcast on your favorite platform as well as rate and review.

And remember to sign up for my private list below, so we can always stay in touch. Since social media is no longer reliable, please complete the form below so I can connect with you via email.

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The Mary Mac Show | Feeling Invisible

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 77, we discuss how we tend to feel invisible while attending gatherings after a loved one’s death when others don’t know how to treat us.

It’s a very strange feeling when you are at a gathering and you’re observing everyone flitting around, engaging with others, but you have this sense that people may be afraid to engage with you.

So you sit and wait and see what happens and most times, if they do come to talk with you, you will get that sense in your gut that this is all superficial.

But the irony is, I’m discovering these folks do this with others too, who haven’t even lost a loved one.

So listen in to Episode 77, as I discuss my findings.

Bless you, my friend. My warrior!

xoxo

Additional Notes:

Visit Crisis Connections at my website to telephone a trained counselor to speak with whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, confused, frightened, fearful or any host of emotions.

Learn the Emotional Freedom Technique here for Stress and Overwhelm. It will soothe you and calm you physically and emotionally. Also spend time in this guided meditation on Self Compassion, which we all need. Dr. Arianna also offers many wonderful tapping and guided-meditations to choose from based upon which is best for you.

You can watch Marissa Peer’s “I Am Enough” meditation.

Bach’s Rescue Remedy will calm and soothe you. Remember, it does have alcohol in if, if that is a concern for you.

Treat yourself to a lovely gift from our Heart of Gold “I Remember” Products from The Mary Mac Store.

Remember, a portion of all proceeds help fund The Foundation for Grieving Children, Inc., the first national non-profit public charity which benefits children, teens, young adults after a loved one’s death which I established many years ago.

And remember to sign up for my private list below, so we can always stay in touch. Since social media is no longer reliable, please complete the form below so I can connect with you via email.

Subscribe

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The Mary Mac Show | Grieving for an Emotionally or Physically Absent Parent

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 76, we discuss the painful subject of grieving when a parent is emotionally or physically absent. They may still be with us or have died, yet the hurt lingers.

It can be especially painful when a parent is not truly connected to you.

Whether they died in childbirth, gave you up for adoption, was seriously impaired by drugs, alcohol or criminal behavior, you suffered from these circumstances.

And as you grew, you might have been neglected or raised by your Dad after your mother’s death, or your Mom after your father’s death.

You might have been raised by a grandparent or even a great-grandparent who took you in and did the best they could.

You might have been put in the foster care system shuffling back and forth among homes.

Whatever your life handed you to this point, it may not have been ideal and you might still harbor pain from your upbringing.

Feelings of resentment, anger, bitterness, sadness, loneliness and isolation may sit just under the surface and still affect you.

We address many of these hurts in episode 76 and I encourage you to not only listen in, but to look at the links below and begin to learn EFT, get help from a hotline when you need to talk and vent, and watch Marisa Peer’s videos on “I Am Enough” so you can begin the healing process.

Sometimes when we experience the death of a loved one, many other issues surface when we are in the grieving process. This may be one of them.

Bless you, my friend. My warrior!

xoxo

Additional Notes:

Visit Crisis Connections at my website to telephone a trained counselor to speak with whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, confused, frightened, fearful or any host of emotions.

Learn the Emotional Freedom Technique here for Stress and Overwhelm. It will soothe you and calm you physically and emotionally. Also spend time in this guided meditation on Self Compassion, which we all need. Dr. Arianna also offers many wonderful tapping and guided-meditations to choose from based upon which is best for you.

You can watch Marissa Peer’s “I Am Enough” meditation.

Bach’s Rescue Remedy will calm and soothe you. Remember, it does have alcohol in if, if that is a concern for you.

Treat yourself to a lovely gift from our Heart of Gold “I Remember” Products from The Mary Mac Store.

Remember, a portion of all proceeds help fund The Foundation for Grieving Children, Inc., the first national non-profit public charity which benefits children, teens, young adults after a loved one’s death which I established many years ago.

And remember to sign up for my private list below, so we can always stay in touch. Since social media is no longer reliable, please complete the form below so I can connect with you via email.

Subscribe

* indicates required







The Mary Mac Show | Mother’s Day

The Mary Mac Show Podcast

In Episode 75, we remember our mothers and mother figures who made an impact on our lives. We also discuss the pain of bereaved mothers, ladies who struggle to bear the title and those who will never be called “Mom.”

The pain from a mother’s death is often severe especially if we had a wonderful relationship with our Moms.

But, sometimes, our relationship wasn’t as we would expect and we struggle with the ‘what if’s’ and perhaps guilt that may bring.

Yet whatever the relationship, good or bad, that we had with her, we must forgive ourselves and even moreso her for what you needed that you didn’t get, for what you and she said to each other that stung, and all the unfinished business that might still linger that neither of you can do anything about anymore.

We also recognize all the mother figures who raised you and cared for you if your Mom died younger than expected.

And we also talk about bereaved mothers who have buried their child, children or even all their children.

Lastly, we look at women who struggle to have children, those who miscarried or had a stillborn child, as well as those who deal with infertility and/or the knowledge that they may never have children of their own. We also remember women who are older now and wished they had children years ago when it was still possible, or those who never found the right husband to raise a family.

This can be a very melancholy day for some. Let us acknowledge them all.

Listen in to Episode 75 here.

Additional Notes:

Visit Crisis Connections at my website to telephone a trained counselor to speak with whenever you are feeling overwhelmed, confused, frightened, fearful or any host of emotions.

Learn the Emotional Freedom Technique here for Stress and Overwhelm. It will soothe you and calm you physically and emotionally. Also spend time in this guided meditation on Self Compassion, which we all need. Dr. Arianna also offers many wonderful tapping and guided-meditations to choose from based upon which is best for you.

You can watch Marissa Peer’s “I Am Enough” meditation.

Bach’s Rescue Remedy will calm and soothe you. Remember, it does have alcohol in if, if that is a concern for you.

Treat yourself to a lovely gift from our Heart of Gold “I Remember” Products from The Mary Mac Store.

Remember, a portion of all proceeds help fund The Foundation for Grieving Children, Inc., the first national non-profit public charity which benefits children, teens, young adults after a loved one’s death which I established many years ago.

And remember to sign up for my private email list so we can always stay in touch, since social media is no longer reliable. Receive my ebook 21 Things You Must Know About The Grieving Process for immediate download.

Newtown, CT: Holiday Rollercoaster

I sit here looking out to the window. Anticipated bad weather is on the move toward us. My mind is racing in so many directions I don’t know which one I should or could concentrate on.

I’m exhausted.

The happenings of this past week have been something I never thought I would ever have to endure. Not for me or for my husband. We were just going along swimmingly well, raising our daughter until this.

My mind is definitely not wrapped around this yet. I guess I have to expect this, but somehow I wish I could just be in control of something at this point and the thought that I won’t be for a very long time disturbs me immensely.

Since the identification, it has been a whirlwind. Between the family and friends who flocked to us (which we are so grateful for), to picking out a casket, to the services, to the funeral and all the people who attended.

I feel numb.

I feel small.

I feel like I’m just existing.

Mostly I feel fragile.

I’ve never felt like this before and for me, it’s not a good feeling. It’s a when-will-this-end, I-can’t-stand-this-feeling, sort of situation. One I never saw coming, one I never thought I would live.

Well, actually, how could anyone see such a thing coming into your life. No one ever teaches you what you will do, how you will feel, what will happen and how you are supposed to live if your child is murdered.

They just don’t. Maybe because they think it will never happen to you. Maybe because the thought of it is frankly so unthinkable that no one wants to go there.

How does one tell you how to pick out a casket for your child. How does one tell you how to go to memorials for your child. How does one tell you how to bury your only daughter.

It just doesn’t compute. It just doesn’t.

This past week has been unbelievable. I felt like I was just ushered around by the well-meaning people in my life. And, actually, I was.

I don’t think I’ll ever forget moving in slow motion through the funeral home, first to the director’s office to start the planning and then to another room to choose the casket. It was something I hadn’t yet experienced, as both my parents are alive. It was something no one should have to go through.

All the little details seemed overwhelming. I looked at my husband and he wasn’t the only one whose eyes were filled with tears. Somehow we made all the decisions that would bring to a conclusion the life of a child we thought we’d know forever.

From the moment I stepped into the funeral home that day and first saw her in the casket, I felt like I would collapse. How was I going to endure this completely unthinkable pain. How does one look at this little body in this box and think that just a few days ago we were picking out a Christmas tree, just the one she wanted.

I think of all the little things we did together just before this happened. All the sprinkles she decorated on her favorite cookies when they came out of the oven. All the little gifts we bought and wrapped for her friends.

All the presents and cards we picked out for her grandparents, aunts and uncles. As she started to read, she wanted to get the prettiest cards to send to those she loved. I remember helping her read the inscriptions in the card store as her Dad and I patiently went through so many boxes until she chose just the right one.

Will I ever step foot into a card store again and not become sentimental?

I sat in the funeral service and so many people have visited. People I haven’t seen in years and others I see all the time. But the amazing thing is full families have arrived from out of town. Our relatives, friends, old neighbors who spent thousands of dollars to be with us at this time. Hotels, car rentals, food, etc. How are they doing this?

I am grateful. I feel so blessed to know such good people who care so much about my husband and myself.

The viewing days were filled with sitting and looking at her in the casket and being torn between wondering when this would be finished battled by the thought that I’d never want it to be over. Because when it was over, I’d never see or have her again. I didn’t know which was worse as the moments passed.

There were times I wanted everyone to leave so I could have her all to myself. I wasn’t in a sharing mood right now.

I wanted to just jump into the casket with her. I can’t imagine what this life will feel like when she’s not around.

The morning I awoke knowing it would be her funeral, I remember sitting up in bed against the headboard, pillows propped up against my back to realize it was the last day I’d ever see her.

How could I bear this?

How could I get through this day?

How could I endure such pain?

How would I react when it was time to close the casket?

Could I do this?

Could my husband do this?

My thoughts are so isolated. I don’t know how much I’ve shared with him at this point. No much really and he hasn’t either. It’s not good.

We’ve gone through the motions of what needed to be done but at some point the deep, dark, difficult emotions will have to come to the surface, even if only for a little while, and it scares me so to think what we will both say to each other.

That day all I could think about what it was her last day with us. And how I hated that thought because there was absolutely nothing I could do to change it.

The funeral was attended by thousands. I didn’t know that many people could pack into our church at one time.

It was a lovely service, at least what I could remember. I spent too much time looking at her casket trying to remember her little smiling face when she was alive and sitting in the pew between her father and I.

She used to look all around during service in church at the lights and stained-glass windows, as they were her favorites. She just loved the colors of the stained glass in the windows.

I wondered if I would ever be able to set foot in that church again.

The burial was one of the most difficult times for me. When we arrived at the cemetery, the grave was all prepared and there were seats all lined up waiting for us. I had asked for extra seats as I knew how many of our relatives would be with us that day.

The priest did a lovely job at the gravesite but it all seemed so quick to me and I wanted to linger for a long while and even though I had left gravesites more quickly after other funerals, this time I wanted to take the time I needed.

And I did.

I know I made everyone wait on me, but I really didn’t care.

I had to see her buried…completely.

I had to know exactly where she was and that there would never be any doubt in my mind.

So I asked the funeral director to have the workers lower her casket as I watched. My husband thought it would be too much for me, but for some reason, it wasn’t. It was comforting. It was a completion that I felt I would need to do for my daughter, my first born.

The men graciously lowered her down and then started to add the dirt. I asked if I could add some dirt and they let me. Why I needed to do that I will never know. I wanted to be included.

Soon the dirt was smoothed out and we took my and my husband’s roses and placed them at the center of her grave slightly tilted to one side. Two lone roses among the thousands she received at the funeral home.

They looked so appropriate there. I felt good about that. A weird feeling of accomplishment. That I had done everything I could do for her in death as I had in life.

I trust I will see her again one day. But the life I will now need to live without her will never be the life her father and I had planned.

A life that will always feel as though we are missing a piece of our hearts.

A life that will always feel empty and cold since we’ll never know what she would have become.

A life that will always wonder what could have been.

Today we start that new life without her.

I have no idea how I’m going to do this.